Jacksonville will be well represented in today’s Super Bowl as native and Clay County High School grad Cliff Avril plays for the Seattle Seahawks. I had the opportunity to interview him  last year for Jacksonville Magazine after the Seahawks won, obliterating the Denver Broncos 43-8.

Click on the image below to read the story.

The bad news: I didn’t get to meet him person. We chatted by phone.

The good news (for me): He didn’t block his number when he called me. And I never delete a celebrity phone number. I will never use it, of course, but it makes me feel like a baller. He’s probably already changed it, though … if not, this would be a good time to do so.

Bad news: I didn’t get to meet him in person; we chatted by phone. Good news: He didn’t block his number before calling me.

At some point during your residency in Northeast Florida, you’ve probably marveled at works by famous and upcoming artists at the Museum of Contemporary Art or Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens or oohed and aahed at dinosaur exhibits and planetarium shows at the Museum of Science and History. But have you come face to face with a 2,400-year old rug made out of cat hair — that is cursed? Or learned how to properly load gun powder into a Civil War-era musket?

Didn’t think so. Which is why I sought out some lesser-known museums in the area that may prove to be just as educational—and entertaining—to you and your family. And some even have gift shops!

Amelia Island Museum of History, Fernandina Beach
Mission: “To bring alive and preserve the area’s rich history, from Timucua Native American tribe to Spanish and French explorers, from the lawless spirit of pirates to the dignified air of Victorian-era residents…”
Permanent exhibits: Civil War and the Florida Railroad, Spanish missions of La Florida, Timucuan Village
What you might learn: David Levy Yulee, an Amelia Island lawyer, was Florida’s first U.S. senator and the country’s first Jewish senator.

Beaches Museum and History Park, Jacksonville Beach
Mission: “Dedicated solely to preserving the history and heritage of Florida’s First Coast beach communities including Mayport, Atlantic, Neptune, Jacksonville and Ponte Vedra beaches and historic Palm Coast”
Permanent exhibits: a 28-ton 1911 steam locomotive, the Heritage Garden and extensive photo archives
What you might learn: Some historians believe the first permanent, year-round Native American settlement in North America was located in the area now known as Atlantic Beach in 3570 BCE.

Florida Agriculture Museum, Palm Coast
Mission: “Preserving Florida’s agricultural past and [encouraging] conservation of heritage livestock including rare Florida Cracker cattle and horses”
Permanent exhibits: original pioneer homestead, Caldwell Dairy Barn, Black Cowboys exhibit
What you might learn: How to shell corn and hunt for eggs—and if pigs really are happier in mud

Hands-on Children’s Museum
Mission: “Promote hands-on participatory learning… through observation, inquiry, creative construction, role-playing, problem-solving and free play”
Permanent exhibits: little veterinarians, puppet stage and wheelchair basketball
What you might learn: Working a supermarket (in this case the “Lil’ Winn-Dixie”) might not be as fun as your child thought.

Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum
Mission: “[To preserve and share] the world’s largest private holding of important original manuscripts and documents”
Rotating exhibits: the original draft of The Bill of Rights, Webster’s Dictionary, Mark Twain’s Tom Sawyer and Einstein’s Theory of Relativity
What you might learn (assuming your brain doesn’t explode): ds2 = g11dx2 + 2 g11 g22 dx dy + g22 dy2

Jacksonville Fire Museum
Mission: “Serves as an educational link between Jacksonville’s past and present and about the rich history of the Jacksonville Fire and Rescue Department”
Permanent exhibits: photos from the Great Fire of 1901, a fully-restored 1902 American LaFrance horse-drawn fire engine and a working 1926 American LaFrance fire engine
What you might learn: The Great Fire of 1901 is still the largest metropolitan fire to ever occur in the South.

Jacksonville Maritime Museum
Mission: “To preserve and interpret the maritime history of Jacksonville and the First Coast in order to foster among all residents and visitors a deeper appreciation of our maritime heritage”
Permanent exhibits: a 15-foot model of the USS Saratoga aircraft carrier, diorama of the ill-fated (in other words, it sunk) Civil War transport ship the Maple Leaf and a collection of maritime-related artifacts
What you might learn: The USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”) visited Jacksonville in 1931 and is the oldest U.S. Navy warship to date.

Lyons Maritime Museum, St. Augustine
Mission: “[To display what is] very likely the largest deep sea diving collection of its kind on this planet. Could there be another larger collection out there in the galaxy???”
Permanent exhibits: thousands of diving helmets, diving knives, underwater flashlights, chest weights — just about anything you would need to explore the deep
What you will definitely learn: Owner/curator Leon Lyons really, really likes diving helmets.

Mandarin Museum & Historical Society
Mission: To share the stories of Mandarin’s history, culture and natural resources by providing engaging programs that educate, entertain and inspire”
Permanent exhibits: historic Mandarin store and post office, restored homestead site and coming in January 2015, the oldest one-room school house in Duval County
What you might learn: Harriet Beecher Stowe, author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, made Mandarin her winter home in 1867.

Military Museum of North Florida, Green Cove Springs
Mission: “The preservation and respectful presentation of the rich military history of our citizen servicemen and women in order to honor their sacrifices to maintain our freedom”
Permanent exhibits: service vehicles from all branches including a LARC-LX 60-ton amphibious military vehicle used in Vietnam, WWII memorabilia and German SS articles
What you might learn: In 1940, the U.S. Navy opened a naval station in Green Cove Springs. After the war, it was downgraded to a Navy Aviation Auxiliary Station where it housed a “mothball fleet” of hundreds of Navy vessels.

Museum of Southern History
Mission: “To maintain and perpetuate an educational facility for those who are interested in the history of the United States, its early problems and difficulties in becoming the Nation it is today”
Permanent exhibits: original revolver carried by Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston and one of only three flags in existence to have adorned the casket of President Abraham Lincoln
What you might learn: There were approximately 170 battles and skirmishes fought in Florida during the Civil War.

North Florida Railway Museum, Green Cove Springs
Mission: “To preserve, restore and display the vast railroad history of North Florida … and promote railroad safety”
Permanent displays: railroad cars, equipment, models, photographs and research materials
What you might learn: The first railroad trains arrived in Florida in the 1860s with a line running between Fernandina Beach and Cedar Key.

The Ritz Theatre & Museum
Mission: “To research, record and preserve … the many facets of African-American life in Northeast Florida that make up the historical and cultural legacy of this community”
Permanent exhibits: vignettes recreating scenes of everyday life in Jacksonville during segregation; and an animatronic, mixed media presentation that tells the story of James Weldon Johnson and John Rosamond Johnson, who composed “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing”
What you might learn: James Weldon was the first African-American in Duval County to seek admission to the state bar and one of the first African-American professors at New York University.

Villa Zorayda Museum, St. Augustine
Mission: “Providing an in-depth look at the historical significance of the Moorish Spanish revival style of architecture to St. Augustine and showcase unique antiquities”
Permanent exhibits: the Sultan’s Den and the Sacred Cat Rug, more than 2,400 years old and made from the fur of cats that roamed the Nile River in Ancient Egypt
What you might learn: Supposedly, anyone who walks on the rug will be cursed. Also, don’t even try taking a picture of it. Seriously. Don’t.

I don’t know if it makes me self-centered always wanting to take pictures of myself by myself or considerate for not having to bother other people to take pictures of me for me. Either way, I like taking selfies. Matter of fact, I took more than 120 this year alone—and that’s not even counting the ones I deleted.

So without further ado, here are my favorite selfies of the year including Kerry’s Favorite Selfie of 2014.

▼ Me and my daughter Fonzie Ann Mildred checking out my pank hair for the first time.  

WHY IT’S A FAVE: Because it’s adorable and it doesn’t even look like a selfie.

▼ Me and some of my favorite peeps at River Ruckus, celebrating the St. Johns River Keeper.

WHY IT’S A FAVE: Because it proves that one can still take an awesome selfie of multiple people without the use of a selfie stick, which I think are BS and take all the fun out of selfies.

▼ Me with crazy hair.

WHY IT’S A FAVE: Because I look like a freakin’ rock star. That’s why. It would be even more awesome if you could see that I’m wearing an Evel Knievel bathrobe. (I’m so not kidding.)

▼ Me thinking I’m all cool hanging with Tennessee Titans RB Leon Washington.

WHY IT’S A FAVE: Because I didn’t realize that Leon’s wife totally photobombed us. (Well played, Charity. Well played.)

FUN FACT: Washington is the only player during FSU’s “Bobby Bowden era” to have scored a touchdown five different ways: by run, reception, punt return, kick off return and fumble recovery.

And now for the Selfie of the Year (technically, it’s not my selfie because I didn’t take the photo, but when you see it, I think you will understand why it is worthy of recognition)…

▼ Me (look for the orange glasses) photobombing James Coleman’s selfie of him and Paul Tesori (the ones flexing their muscles) that is being photographed by Michelle Tesori (that’s her phone and hand in the bottom left) while Carson Skinner takes a selfie.

WHY IT’S MY FAVE: Because it’s so brilliantly executed and so meta that it makes my brain want to implode. 

New restaurants, gas prices and Sun-Ray to the rescue… just a few of the reasons Jacksonville had the Best Week Ever!

1. According to AAA, Jacksonville has the lowest gas prices in the state. From Jacksonville Business Journal

2. With the Jaguars finishing the season 3-13, fans don’t have a whole lot to cheer about. One player at least has something to look forward to: DT Sen’Derrick Marks has been named an alternate for the Pro Bowl to be held in Phoenix, January 25. From Jaguars.com

▼ 3. In a related story, ROAR cheerleader Whitney Cowart was named NFL Cheerleader of the Year by Busted Coverage for her “body, bikini portfolio and social media presence.” From Busted Coverage

4. Scotty Schwartz, executive chef/owner of the award-winning 29 South in Fernandina Beach, plans to open a 175-seat restaurant serving sophisticated Southern Cuisine in Downtown called The Bullbriar. He anticipates completion by summer 2016. From Metro Jacksonville

5.. In other restaurant news, the sketchy, boarded-up building at the corner of Dancy and Park streets in Avondale may (aka Yesterdays) is slated to become 250-seat restaurant. Chef Brian Siebenschuh, former executive chef of Orsay, and local restaurateur Jason Motley plan to open a high-quality, fast casual restaurant called South Kitchen and Spirits. From Jacksonville.com

6. Known for helping creators promote their ideas to the world, One Spark won recognition of its own by being named one of the top 300 festivals to attend in the world by Fest300 Magazine. Other festivals on the list include SXSW, Coachella and Oktoberfest (yes … that Oktoberfest … the one in Munich). From One Spark

▼ And special congratulations to Tim Massett and Shana David-Massett of Sun-Ray Cinema for having the best week ever!

You can always count on Sun-Ray Cinema in 5 Points for bringing cutting-edge films to town and putting together special programs that you won’t find anywhere else in Jacksonville. They proved their mettle once again by being the only theater in the area to screen the highly-publicized Seth Rogan/James Franco joint The Interview (Tim says the closest theatre showing is in Tampa). In addition to selling out five shows (as of the time I am typing this) including Christmas Eve at 11:50 p.m, Sun-Ray has been getting publicity far beyond the First Coast. In fact, Tim was quoted in The Hollywood Reporter and Deadline Hollywood.

And don’t even get me started on their popcorn bar and pizza.

Last week, the lovely and talented Christina Boykin posted on Facebook for people to share photos of what they were doing at that exact moment. I have borrowed that idea to see what it that you, my social media peeps, were doing on Friday, Dec. 19. 2014.

Here’s what you were up to…

Kind of curious what happened between 9:01 p.m., when Susan finished painting her toes (is that a Yeti on her feet?) and 3:04 a.m., when Stephanie did a selfie photo shoot. No one posted between those times, so I guess they didn’t want anyone to know.

I eat a lot. And I drink a lot (more than just Tater Tots and beer, people). And I’ve been fortunate enough to do so at a variety of local restaurants and foodie events this year: hence, my picks for the best things I put in my lobster roll hole in 2014. I do have two caveats to this list: 1) it has to be something I have not eaten before this year; and 2) I have to have taken a picture of it.

So, in no particular order, here are the 10 Best Things I Never Ate Before 2014 and Remembered to Take a Photo of. The top 10 are all local restaurants. I added an item from a chain restaurant because it was just that yummy.

1. Irish car bomb milkshake with housemade Oreos chocolate cream sandwich cookies: Black Sheep ▼

Full disclosure: Black Sheep has a milkshake of the week—or at least they did when the temperatures were warmer—so this deliciousness is not available every day. In which case, I would highly recommend the chocolate shake. Because no malt. Ever.

2. 24-hour brisket taco from Corner Taco ▼

And if you’re lucky, chef/owner Chris Dickerson—one of the sexiest men in Jacksonville—will be there to assist you. 

3. Pizza Capricciosa from V Pizza ▼

Ain’t gonna lie: It doesn’t look pretty. And the toppings, which include olives, prosciutto di parma, egg and artichoke are kind of weird for a plain cheese pizza girl. But it’s on this list, so guess what? It’s yummy.

4. Cinnamon roll from Sweet Theory Baking Co. ▼

Want to know how delicious this Texas-sized cinnamon bun is? I didn’t even know it was gluten-free. And apparently, I don’t care.

5. Lobster roll from Chef Scotty Schwartz of 29 South ▼

It’s not on the menu at 29 South in Fernandina Beach (don’t you love it when someone tells you how great something is and you can’t even try it for yourself), but Schwartz served it at this year’s Slow Down event. I apologize to the three people who didn’t get to try them that night either because I ate four of them. #sorrynotsorry

6. Crabcakes with spicy remoulade from Soul Food Bistro

I’m not from Maryland and don’t claim to be a seafood aficionado, but Chef Celestia Mobley’s crab cake is the best I’ve ever had. 

7. Brisket stack from Driftwood BBQ Food Truck ▼

Smoky brisket sitting atop a bowl of creamy grits. Move on, vegetables. You are not wanted—or needed— here.

8. Panko-cheese tomatoes from Blue Bamboo ▼

I know I talk about Blue Bamboo a lot. But Chef Dennis Chan makes such delicious food. Can you blame me?

9. German empanada from Tapa That ▼

Schlechte Nachrichten Freunde: this fried pocket of deliciousness was an Oktoberfest special. But it’s a tapas restaurant so their menu changes all the time anyway. That said, mark your calendar for October 2015.

10. Kahlua crème brûlée with chocolate covered espresso beans served and sea salt caramel espresso from Pele’s Wood Fire ▼

Just drooled on my keyboard. Did I mention I don’t even drink coffee?

Plus one non-local: Chicken and avocado salad chopped from Blackfinn Ameripub ▼

Bring a friend—or four—to share. This thing is huge.

So there you have it. The best things I ate (for the first time) in 2014 that I remembered to take a picture of. Agree? Disagree? Any must-eats I need to put on my list for 2015? Leave your suggestions in the comments below.

Oh, and speaking of all of the great food in Jacksonville, I am super excited about GastroFest Jacksonville 2015. Read more about it and help make it happen by supporting them on indiegogo.

The debut of the brand new, quality-crafted green room for WJCT’s First Coast Connect (or “orange green room,” as Daniel Austin commented) was quite the topic of conversation on this morning’s show. Those of you who follow me on Twitter (and shame on those who don’t) got to see a sneak preview, but here’s a belated peek.

Props to IFS Business Interiors for donating the design services, furniture and decor—especially the orange rug (which, by the way, is not suitable for making “snow angels”)

I shared the new green room experience with Wayne Hogan of Terrell Hogan, who I have to say is a very nice man—despite the fact that he was on the show to bash kids toys (actually, he was there to talk about the most dangerous toys of 2014 including Battle Hammer and the SWAT Electronic Machine Gun). He also has a great voice which probably comes in handy when trying to win over jurors.

In other news, producer Sean Birch actually spoke on air, and we set a record for most rounds of applause during the show (three).

And since the YouStream link wasn’t working, you missed my awesome dance moves and my fabulous new earrings from CeLOBEbrities.

Mister Rogers earrings custom-made by CeLOBEbrities

Following are the events mentioned on today’s show. For even more events coming up this weekend, subscribe to e-Specktator.

Thursday, Dec. 11
• A December to Remember featuring Manhattan Transfer, 4 p.m. (show starts at 7 p.m.), St. Augustine Amphitheatre
• Holiday Party at Unity Plaza, 5:30 p.m., Unity Plaza

Thursday, Dec. 11-Sunday, Dec. 14
• Dirty Dancing, times, vary, T-U Center

Friday, Dec. 12
• Girls Rock Volunteer Showcase, 7 p.m., CoRK Arts District
• Trans-Siberian Orchestra, 7:30 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena
• Trampled by Turtles, 9 p.m., Ponte Vedra Concert Hall
• Underwear Comedy Party, 9 p.m., Burro Bar

Friday, Dec. 12–Saturday, Dec. 13
• Historic Springfield Holiday Home Tour, 5-9 p.m., tour starts at 210 W. Seventh St.

Friday, Dec. 12–Sunday, Dec. 14
• Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra’s Holiday Pops, times vary, T-U Center

Listen to yours truly discuss upcoming events every Thursday at 9:45-ish on First Coast Connect on WJCT 89.9.

Hall. Oates. Buddy. “Bulls.” Seven (eight? nine?) people holding fans while riding one bicycle. Just a few of the events coming up this weekend.

If you have an event you’d like considered for the next issue of e-Specktator, e-mail me at kerry [at] thespecktator [dot] com.

   

THIS WEEKEND
Hunter Hayes, Dec. 5, Veterans Memorial Arena (Downtown)
I have to be honest: I had no idea who Hayes was until I Googled his name. Now I know he’s a country music performer who can play 30 instruments (not at the same time, of course) and is a four-time Grammy nominee (it’s really an honor just to be nominated, right?). If you are a fan, you already knew that. And if you’re not a fan, well, then, you probably don’t care. 7 p.m.

The Big Ticket w/Fall Out Boy, Weezer & more, Dec. 5, Metro Park (Downtown)
It’s called the “big ticket,” I assume, because of the big-time acts performing (including Fall Out Boy, Weezer and Young the Giant). Definitely not because it’s getting any big-time buzz. But not to worry, Big Ticket promoters; I’m sure this blurb is really going to put ticket sales through the roof (assuming Metro Park had a roof … and that weren’t a figure of speech). 1 p.m.

The Chinese Acrobats, Dec. 5, Florida Theatre (Downtown)
Attention, anyone looking for a show with performers who spin plates on sticks, contort themselves in such a way that you swear they don’t have spines and kicking bowls onto their heads while balancing on a high unicycle: This is it. 7 p.m.

Dallas Brass, Dec. 5, St. Paul’s by-the-Sea Episcopal Church (Jacksonville Beach)
In the interest of fair advertising, I must divulge the Dallas Brass, who perform as part of the Beaches Fine Arts series, also have percussion in their ensemble. 7:30 p.m. (If you want to hear straight-up brass, you’ll have to wait until Dec. 13 for TUBACHRISTMAS at the Jacksonville Landing.)

Art & Antiques Show, Dec. 5-7, Prime Osborn Convention Center (Downtown)
Dealers from around the country showcase antiques and art of all kinds at this annual fundraiser for Wolfson Children’s Hospital. The three-day event also features guest lecturers, a young collector’s booth, team room and the Children’s Fashion Show featuring former patients of Wolfson. 

Hall & Oates, Dec. 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre
Go ahead and chuckle, hipsters, as you often do when I mention H&O are one of my fave bands of all time, but Daryl (the tall one) and John (the short one who used to rock an awesome ‘stache) have six No. 1 singles, seven platinum albums and are in The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Not that hipsters care about such things. 8 p.m. FUN FACT: H&O have a song called “Kerry.” BONUS FUN FACT: They do not like for their music to be referred to as “blue-eyed soul.”

Jacksonville Giants, Dec. 6, Veterans Memorial Arena (Downtown) and Dec. 7, Bob Hayes Sports Complex Legends Center (Northside)
The 2012 and 2013 ABA champs play the South Florida Gold. Yep. That’s about it. FUN FACT: The Giants set the record for most points scored in pro basketball game in history with 222 points.

Running of the Bulls 5K, Dec. 6, Hemming Park (Downtown)
It’s just like the famous Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain … except the part of Pamplona will be played by Jacksonville, the bulls will be played by the Jacksonville RollerGirls and the “bulls” will tag runners with an ink dauber instead of goring them. FUN FACT: I will be playing the part of a matador. 8:30 a.m. FUN FACT ADDENDUM: I don’t think they even they have matadors at the real Running of the Bulls. MONEY-SAVING BONUS: Save $5 on registration by using promo code KERRY. De nada.

15th Annual Winter Celebration, Dec. 6, Mandarin Museum and Historical Society
Welcome winter in with music in the park, hay rides and Civil War re-enactors. Oooookey dokey. 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra: The Polar Express, Dec. 7, T-U Center (Downtown)
Enjoy Chris Van Allsburg’s timeless story with live music provided by the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra. 3 p.m.

FREE Holiday Film Series, Dec. 9-24, Sun-Ray Cinema (Riverside)
As far as I’m concerned, Sun-Ray Cinema is a gift in itself. But the good folks are giving us a gift all this month screening an array of holiday-themed films for freesies (with the purchase of a $5 drink ticket): Dec. 9, Bad Santa; Dec. 16, Elf; Dec. 20, Christmas Evil; Dec. 22, Scrooged; Dec. 23, White Christmas; and Dec. 24, Pee Wee’s Xmas Special/Female Trouble (double feature). Showtimes 7 p.m.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, through Dec. 21, Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre
Plucked from the website (no use re-creating the wheel, folks): “Based on the holiday classic, [this show] takes you on the wild adventures of a mouse, an elf and a spunky little girl who just won’t take no for an answer.”

AROUND THE CORNER

• One Spark Creator Meetup + Food Fun(d), Dec. 9, Hogan Street at the river
• Dirty Dancing, Dec. 9-14, Times-Union Center
• Historic Springfield Holiday Home Tour, Dec. 12-13
• Community Nutcracker, Dec. 12-13, Florida Theatre
• Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Dec. 13, Veterans Memorial Arena
• Wynona & The Big Noise: A Simpler Christmas, Dec. 14, Florida Theatre

MONTHS AWAY (but that doesn’t mean wait until the last minute to buy your tickets)

• Dancing With the Stars, Jan. 4, T-U Center
• Elaine Boosler, Jan. 29-31, Jacksonville Comedy Club
• The Book of Mormon, Feb. 3-8, T-U Center
• An Acoustic Evening With Travis Tritt, Feb. 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall
• Jerry Seinfeld, Feb.13, 2015, T-U Center
• Harry Connick Jr., Feb. 15, T-U Center
• Monster Jam, Feb. 21, 2015, EverBank Field
• John Mellencamp, March 15, 2015, T-U Center
• B-52s, March 21, Florida Theatre
• Jane Lynch, March 27, Florida Theatre
• Diana Krall, April 13, 2015, T-U Center
• The Who, April 19, 2015, Veterans Memorial Arena
• Florida Country Superfest, June 13-14, EverBank Field
• 2015 NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Championship Preliminary Round, March 19 & 21, Veterans Memorial Arena

If you have an event you’d like considered for a future issue of e-Specktator or for information on advertising or sponsorships, email kerry [at] thespecktator [dot] com.

 

THIS WEEKEND
Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, Nov. 26-Dec. 24, Alhambra Theatre & Dining (Southside?)
“This cozy trip down memory lane should be put on your wish list…” so says The New York Times, if that means anything to you. Personally, I’m pretty excited about the crème brulee French toast with vanilla bean ice cream.

Christmas on the River Tree Lighting Ceremony, Nov. 27, Jacksonville Landing (Downtown)
Christmas officially gets underway Friday with the lighting of the “official Christmas tree of Jacksonville,” a 56-foot-tall tree with more than 78,000 LED lights and more than 100 ornaments. Showtime 6 p.m. FREE

Grandma Lee, Nov. 28-29, Comedy Zone (Mandarin)
You can expect a lot of turkeys when Jacksonville’s own Grandma Lee returns to town for her annual Thanksgiving weekend performances. FUN FACT: GL’s favorite movie of all time is One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. (From “10 Things You Didn’t Know About Grandma Lee,” Jacksonville Magazine)

Jacksonville Light Boat Parade & Fireworks Spectacular, Nov. 28, Jacksonville Landing (Downtown)
Boats of all shapes and sizes will be decked with bows of holly—and lots of lights. Then stick around for the largest fireworks display of the year. Parade starts 7 p.m. FREE

Christmas Made in the South, Nov. 28-30, Prime Osborn Center (Downtown)
Please tell me Santa won’t be wearing a Dale Earnhardt Jr. hat.

The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical, Nov. 28-29 and Dec. 4-13, Players by the Sea (Jax Beach)
Who doesn’t want to spend the holidays with Rufus, Pickles and Linoleum?

Cosby Sweater, Nov. 29, 1904 Music Hall (Downtown)
Without getting into the whole “he (hasn’t) said, she said” Bill Cosby rape allegations, I think this is an awesome name for a band. Plus, they have a song called “Ratchet Rudy.”

Bizarre Bazaar, Nov. 29, The Hourglass Pub & Coffeehouse (Downtown)
Just going to leave this description right here: “Come marvel at the bizarre talents, ogle beautiful jewelry, peruse the artworks, fondle oddities, enjoy great live music, drink great local craft brews, and top it all off with a hookah.”

St. Augustine Art & Craft Festival, Nov. 29-30, Francis Field
More than 150 painters, potters, sculptors, photographers, woodworkers and other fine artists will showcase their wares at this two-day, juried art show. Artist demos and live music are also on the docket (docket … juried … get it?)

Deck the Chairs Beaches Winter Light Festival, Nov. 28-Jan. 3, 2015, Latham Park and Sea Walk Pavilion (Jax Beach)
See following description, insert “lifeguard chairs” and change “3 million” to “who knows how many.” The official lighting ceremony is Nov. 30 at 6:30 p.m. FREE

Nights of Lights, through Jan. 31, 2015, St. Augustine historic district
More than 3 million tiny white lights illuminate the trees, buildings, signs and anything else not nailed down during one of the most popular holiday events in Northeast Florida. I still want to know who counts all those lights. FREE

AROUND THE CORNER

• Doug Benson, Dec. 4, Comedy Club of Jacksonville
• Anthony Hamilton: Home for the Holidays, Dec. 4, Florida Theatre
• The Big Ticket w/Fall Out Boy, Weezer & more, Dec. 5, Metro Park
• ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, Dec. 5-21, Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre
• Hall & Oates, Dec. 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre
• Dirty Dancing, Dec. 9-14
• Wynona & The Big Noise: A Simpler Christmas, Dec. 14, Florida Theatre

MONTHS AWAY—PLAN AHEAD!

• The Book of Mormon, Feb. 3-8, T-U Center
• An Acoustic Evening With Travis Tritt, Feb. 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall
• Jerry Seinfeld, Feb.13, 2015, T-U Center
• Harry Connick Jr., Feb. 15, T-U Center
• Monster Jam, Feb. 21, 2015, EverBank Field
• John Mellencamp, March 15, 2015, T-U Center
• Diana Krall, April 13, 2015, T-U Center
• The Who, April 19, 2015, Veterans Memorial Arena
• Florida Country Superfest, June 13-14, EverBank Field
• 2015 NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Championship Preliminary Round, March 19 & 21, Veterans Memorial Arena

  ---

  
  

If you’re one of those people who says, “The only time I’ll run is if I’m being chased.” Well, guess what … your time is up! The Arc Jacksonville hosts Running of the Bulls, a 5K through Downtown where runners will be chased by members of the Jacksonville RollerGirls on skates. Survivors will be rewarded with an after-party in Hemming Plaza featuring food, beer from Intuition Ale Works, music and more.

And as a guest matador (I’ll be the one with the pelo rosa), I can save you five bucks on registration. Register here and use promo code “KERRY.” De nada.

If you have an event you’d like considered for a future issue of e-Specktator or for information on advertising or sponsorships, email kerry [at] thespecktator [dot] com.

On Tuesday, Jacksonville City Council President Clay Yarborough made a strong statement to the arts community (and rational people in general) when he fired off an email to Mayor Alvin Brown’s chief of staff Chris Hand with the subject: “Pornographic display at MOCA.” (And marked as “high importance!” no less.)

You can read up on the controversy at Folio Weekly. I, too, have my concerns, namely, where it will end. I’m more than slightly concerned that Yarborough will begin to notice other “pornographic”—and iconic—images throughout the city such as…

“Winged Victory, Memorial Park (Riverside)

sculpture by C. Adrian Pillars; photo by ali brauda/flickr

It was considered “indecent” when it was erected (pardon the pun) in the 1920s. I fear Yarborough will go back in a time machine and demand the sculpture be fitted with some proper knickers, a sweater vest over a freshly-pressed dress shirt, maybe even a newsboy cap.

“The Bathers,” Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens (Riverside)

painting by John E. Costigan; photo from cummer.org

Yarborough expressed his concerns about young children seeing the aforementioned “pornographic” photograph—in full view—at MOCA. Wait ’til he gets a load of this painting on display at the Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens that features naked children. 

“The Diving Boy,” Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens (Riverside)

sculpture by Augusta Savage; photo from cummer.org

That Cummer Museum is a real smut factory, eh?

Statue of Andrew Jackson, Laura Street and Independent Drive round-about (Downtown)

Replica of sculpture by Clark Davis; photo from art.com

I’m not exactly sure what’s under the backside of Jackson’s “rearing mount,” but its massive butt crack cannot be ignored.

The truly scary thing is Yarborough might not stop at “pornographic” artwork.

Will the Jacksonville Suns mascot Southpaw be forced to wear pants?

photo from jacksonvillesuns.com

What about REX-The Beach Blvd Dinosaur (aka the Goony Golf Dinosaur)?

photo from Facebook.com

We won’t even get into the whole phallic thing with Rex holding a giant bone.

Will the naked chicken wings at Hooters (yet another story) have to be renamed “unbreaded”?

What about the eight Jacksonville-area government employees named “Fanny“? Will they be forced to change their names to “The Place Where I Sit”?

And what is to become of the employees with surnames “Butt,” “Breast” and “Heiney”?

I don’t know how this whole thing is going to play out, but I think it’s funny that by voicing his concerns about a boob, Yarborough became one.